


Nothing Says I Love You Like...

by QuillMind



Category: Fire Emblem: Kakusei | Fire Emblem: Awakening
Genre: Accidents, Bad Cooking, Crack, Cream, Dairy - Freeform, F/M, Food, Hand Jobs, Other, Reader-Insert, Silly, Smut, Vaginal Fingering, hot peppers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-29
Updated: 2018-04-29
Packaged: 2019-04-28 22:35:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 668
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14459247
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QuillMind/pseuds/QuillMind
Summary: After handling hot peppers, you must wash your hands very well to get the capsaicin oil off.  Stahl fails to do this, and you suffer for it.





	Nothing Says I Love You Like...

**Author's Note:**

> A crack story! Whoa! I don't really do these--but after reading **[this story](https://tanzanitedepths.tumblr.com/post/172334334023/afroclusterfunk-draumbooty-deicide4122)** , I had to.

It’s an understandable scenario.  After a long day of working in kitchen duty at camp, Stahl wanted nothing more than to relax in his tent and indulge in you, his most favourite treat.  It had been a little over a week since he was last intimate with you, but that was more than a glutton like him could tolerate. 

He was focused, single-minded as he rushed through camp to get to you.  A single second couldn’t be wasted. 

Unfortunately, when you take shortcuts in life, there can be dire consequences.  

Such as your pussy becoming painfully burning hot due to Stahl putting his fingers in there.  Fingers which he’d just been using to chop up hot peppers for Sully’s special stew. 

“STAHL, I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU!” you shrieked, furious and agonized beyond belief.  Your lover (though currently you would say that title was questionable at best) could only stammer meek apologies as you cringed on your side, your lower half naked and partially covered by your long robe.  

Stahl had taken off the moment you began screaming citing a searing pain between your legs.  Contrary to what you’d initially presumed, he had not been trying to escape; rather, he had taken his horse into the nearest town and purchased all the fresh cream that was available to bring back to you.  Seething and crying, you demanded to know what he was up to.

Full fat cream was said to negate the capsaicin in hot peppers, he explained awkwardly, punctuating that sentence by setting a large copper tub onto the floor.  

“Mirabelle once told me about a beauty treatment that involves bathing in milk,” you grit through your teeth, “but I never thought I’d actually be doing it like this!”  

“I--I’m so sorry, I thought I had washed my hands well enough!” Stahl babbled, his face lined with worry.  

You whined and turned away from him, by now more exhausted than angry.  Your situation was absolutely ridiculous, being naked and seated in a tub that forced you to keep your knees bent and apart while Stahl slowly poured cream over your lower body.  

But as much as you hated to admit it, it seemed to be working.  The cream was cool and smooth, and the burning was not as prominent as it had been at the start.  In fact, it felt quite nice, especially when Stahl’s fingers (from his hand that  _ didn’t _ touch any peppers) flittered over your sensitive entrance.  

A flinch and a pleasurable gasp escaped you, and you both froze to stare at each other.  Stahl’s culinary mishap had put your tryst on hold, but now the desire was coming back in full force.  

Now it was your face that burned as you rolled your hips into Stahl’s hand.  “More,” you murmured with embarrassment. 

To be fair, there  _ did _ appear to be a therapeutic effect in Stahl plunging his creamy fingers into you.  And the additional stimulation of his thumb on your clit proved invaluable in taking your mind off the pain.  By the time a few of the Shepherds peeked into the tent to check on you, you’d completely forgotten the capsaicin burn; thrashing around in the tub splashing cream everywhere, you were stroking Stahl’s cock and gyrating your hips against his hand while he sucked noisily on your nipples.  

Thankfully your bacchanalian activities left you ignorant of your audience, which quickly dispersed albeit with varying degrees of willingness (Vaike and Tharja were more than keen to watch the rest of the show, and Lissa and Ricken, their faces as red as tomatoes, kept trying to sneak a few more peeks as Libra and Frederick dragged them away).  

In the end neither of you made it to dinner on time, though this turned out to be a blessing in disguise as Sully’s food made everyone who ate it (besides her) become terribly ill.  

  
“Now that I think of it,” Stahl mused thoughtfully, “it  _ was _ strange for a stew to have fifty habanero peppers in it.”

**Author's Note:**

> Food discussions to be had at [Tumblr!](https://quillmind.tumblr.com/)


End file.
